My family just visited Yellowstone National Park. Wow. What spectacular and fascinating beauty! I found myself trying to imagine the forces of nature – glacial and volcanic – used to create this magnificence. Immense stress on the landscape resulted in stunning canyons and cliffs, unique hydrothermal features, and soil perfect for forests and diverse wildlife. All from stress!
Stress. No one even likes the word yet there is no denying the fact that it’s a part of our lives. Among the many things we want to teach our children, recognizing and responding to stress should be among them. Here are a few things we can teach our children (and good reminders to practice ourselves!).
Do the next thing. For most people being overwhelmed is stressful. It’s important to help our kids recognize when they are feeling overwhelmed and teach them break things down into manageable pieces. Learning to take a step back and focus only on “the next thing” can be an essential tool in helping children to manage stress. This can be practiced in many ways from cleaning an abysmally dirty room (“Start with the Legos. Focus only on picking up those.”) to tackling an academic challenge like writing a book report (“Start by telling what the book was about”). Teaching kids to find and take small steps can help them face a daunting task or situation with less anxiety.
Laugh! I remember when my twins were babies. There were moments of utter sweetness like watching them together in the crib they shared cooing to each other or seeing them hold hands while they were nursing. Then there were ”other moments” – moments when both needed something and lustily let the world know or when everyday life seemed an insurmountable challenge from a sleep-deprived point of view. It was in those moments I would say to myself “Well, I could scream, cry, or laugh right now. I think I’ll laugh.” Finding something to laugh at seemed to make all the difference for me.
I’m not the only one who thinks so. The Mayo Clinic says laughing enhances oxygen levels, stimulates circulation, aids in muscle relaxation and results in a reduction of the physical symptoms of stress. As was said from old, “A merry heart does good like a medicine.”
Cultivating a merry heart would be a wonderful gift to give our children. Of course humor should never belittle someone else, but finding something to laugh about as a means of alleviating stress is something we should both model for and teach our children.
Perspective questions. In stressful times, questions can help put things into perspective. If a child is apt to stress about decisions, teach him to ask himself, “Which will matter most in a year?” or “Which would I most regret not doing?” Anxiety can be deflated if she learns to ask, “How can I see this as a challenge instead or a problem?” Putting things into perspective can put stress in its place.
“No” is not a bad word. In our society of endless opportunities and possibilities, it’s easy to pile too much on our plates. And I’m not talking food, though it’s certainly easy to do that, too! I mean all the great things there are to do in our communities and be a part of in our churches. It’s all good stuff so it’s hard to say “No.” But if we’re not careful, we’re over-committed, over-scheduled, and over-stressed! And it’s easy to project this same approach onto our children. There are lessons and sports and clubs and hobbies enough to fill their every waking hour (and to fill many tanks of gas!). Over-scheduling can be a stressor to children. Dr. Jennifer Shroff Pendley points to several indicators that your child may be stressed. Stress in children can result in mood swings, acting out, changes in sleep patterns, bedwetting, stomachaches and headaches, trouble concentrating, becoming withdrawn, overreaction to minor problems, or nightmares.
Whether or not your child displays these signs of stress, it is good to be mindful of their schedule and to teach them that saying “No” to one thing (like ballet 5 nights a week) is saying “Yes” to something else (like more time with family). Just because you could do something does not always mean you should. Being comfortable saying “No” can prevent a lot of stress.
Healthy lifestyle. Good nutrition, exercise, and getting enough rest can lessen the effects of stress on the body. We can tell our kids this, but they will learn much more from our example. Our healthy choices become their healthy choices and fit minds and bodies are much more likely to handle stress.
Say you’re sorry. We will all have times when the stress of a moment or situation results in our saying or doing something we wished we hadn’t. Our kids should see/hear us apologizing when this happens. They should be expected to do the same as well.
Talk! It’s important for kids to feel they have a safe place to talk about their feelings, worries, and concerns. Being able to express these can help lessen the stress these feelings can cause. Give children plenty of opportunity to share but don’t force them to talk. Ask open ended questions (“How did that make you feel?). Be sure to allow them to hear your talk about your feelings.
Stress can be good. Some people thrive on deadlines and do their best work under pressure. Help your kids see that not only is stress a part of life, but it can help us to do things we otherwise might not have accomplished. There are times when it needs to be managed or even avoided, but there are other times when stress is a force to be harnessed and used for our good.
Geysers and waterfalls. These are not only memories from a great trip, but also reminders to be intentional about teaching my kids about stress.
Copyright © 2013 J. Hoffman / GSN (NV)
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Email: JHoffman@GlobalStudentNetwork.com
Sources cited:
Pendley, Jennifer Shroff, http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/stress.html#
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/stress-relief/SR00034