Thank you Brenda Kaye Ruffener for allowing us to post another one of your superb and a very funny article below:
Warning: If you don’t agree with homeschooling, hate laughter or take yourself too seriously, please skip this post or at least refrain from sending me emails telling me what’s wrong with me. I am already aware.
Several months ago I revealed the 10 most annoying homeschool questions ever asked. I’d had a bad week – don’t judge. Some of the most annoying questions asked of me and many of you were:
- What about socialization?
- Do you like it?
- Is it legal?
- What will happen if they miss the prom?
I offered some snarky answers to these dreaded questions. Like I said, it had been a rough week.
There are no excuses this time. No sick children, no sleepless nights, and PMS is nowhere on the radar. It’s just that when I start reflecting on the questions I’ve been asked about homeschooling, I get a little edgy. So let’s do this again, shall we?
10 more annoying homeschool questions
#1 – How will they learn to stand in line?
Can you believe someone, who shall remain nameless and who will never read this blog, asked me how my child would learn to stand in line when she is homeschooled? Maybe I should listen to them. I don’t stand well in line. I fidget in the grocery store, I sigh loudly at the bank, and don’t even get me started on the DMV. A trip to Disneyworld should take care of this education gap.
#2 – How will they learn to take orders?
Take orders? As in, “would you like fries with that?” Sorry, my aspirations for my children are a wee bit higher than taking orders. Will they learn to respect authority? Certainly. If respect is earned. Manners and etiquette? Definitely. Something I’m a stickler on. They’ll be mindful of their manners and giving of their heart, but they won’t be mindless drones willing to accept anything and everything thrown their way.
#3 – How do they not cheat?
This one made me laugh. To me, cheating is a moral issue. It has nothing to do with homeschool or public school. I’ll go out on a limb here. There may be – I mean there could be…a slight chance…that cheating is going on in public school. There, I said it. So…if cheating goes on in public school, wouldn’t my child be better off at home – where there’s no one to cheat off of? Now if you’re insinuating that I’m the one cheating, that’s a different story. {rolling up sleeves, taking earrings off, clenching fists – kids screaming CAT FIGHT}
#4 – What makes you qualified?
Usually this question comes from some unsuspecting stranger that hasn’t a clue what’s about to hit the fan. Personally, I have more education than most certified teachers, but that’s irrelevant. Parents are qualified to teach their children and have been doing so since birth. Some may not believe they are qualified, and that’s fine. Their children are not being homeschooled. Unless you’re my mother or father, what makes you qualified to ask me if I’m qualified to teach MY kids?
#5 – How will they learn to tie their shoes?
Yes folks, this is an actual question asked by some idiot inquisitive cashier at Blockbuster. No offense to anyone working at a movie rental store. That’s not the point here. Shoe tying apparently can only be taught by someone other than a parent, and can never be demonstrated at home. Why else do you think I continue to buy Velcro shoes for my 10 year old?
#6 – How are you supposed to have a life?
I’m a parent – duh. I have no life – of my own that is. Homeschooling doesn’t have anything to do with it. My life ended when the doctor handed me that 8 lb. ball of flesh that looked like a well-done Thanksgiving turkey with the face of a 90 year old man. Yep, that’s my little girl. My heart grew three sizes that day – life over, game on.
#7 – Who will help them with their homework?
Apparently because I’m the teacher, I can’t help with homework – that would be cheating, right? Didn’t we just cover that one above? First of all, I don’t believe in homework and will never assign it. Heck, if we’re going to be literal here, isn’t it all HOMEwork? You don’t make sense Mister; now go away. {Yes, I’m reliving each question}
#8 – How will they learn to deal with bullies?
Did you really just ask me this question? Bullies? Well, let me paint a picture for you. My child was in first grade at public school, when a little man, I’ll call him jerk-boy, also in the first grade, began poking my daughter with sharp pencils on a daily basis. When brought to my attention one evening at dinner, I calmly discussed the hit plan with my husband. I told him I would meet with the teacher in the morning and make it all better. So of course the first thing I did was wait until the teacher had escorted most of the children inside before I ran to the boy like a rabid squirrel, squatted down at his level (because that’s how Super Nanny says one should discipline) and told him if he ever poked my child again…. Let’s just say, I left the playground in a hurry, and told my husband it would be great if he could take our daughter to school for the next couple of weeks – mommy needed to remain in hiding a break.
#9 – Does your husband know?
Know what? How much I spent on shoes curricula? I don’t think it’s fair for me to answer questions about my spouse when he is not present to answer for himself. Does he know I homeschool? What kind of marriage do you think this is? We may not have had a date-night in three weeks, but he does know there is a woman living in his house who educates his children. {Gasp}
#10 – How will they learn what’s in style?
When a close friend asked me this question, we’ll call her Fashion Jane for anonymity purposes, I was a bit shocked. At first, I thought, yeah what if they start dressing in yoga pants everyday? Oh wait, that’s me. Then I thought, my oldest is a gymnast, she wears a leotard every single day of her life. My toddler prefers a diaper, one sock, and shorts on her head. Style? We have our own style around here and we like it.
Disclaimer: There isn’t one. Like I said, there are no sick kids, no insomnia, no PMS and no wine. It’s all me.
Brenda Kaye Rufener’s passion is offering advice and experiential wisdom to parents embarking on the journey of home education through her popular blog Homeschool Diaries. Her blog has been described by critics as “Humorous, slightly irreverent and always honest.” One fan recently told her she was, “the bloggess of homeschooling… minus the swearing.” Her post here is copied by permission. You can read more about and from Brenda at www.homeschooldiaries.com.